sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
