She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
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Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
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dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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