There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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