I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
