sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
