I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
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