i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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