worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
God I need to hump something, right now.
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