I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
