i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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