What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
