i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
