you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
