just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
