I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
