Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
