It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
