im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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