He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
