did you get engaged???
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Of course I have a pirate flag
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
