yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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