AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
