I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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