My hand turned me down
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So much rum. So many feels.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
