I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
