he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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