i need an iv and a liver transplant
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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