I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
