Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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