He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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