Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Blood and glitter go together right?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
