Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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