Got a toothbrush?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
