Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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