I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
