you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
