Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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