you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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