i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
