my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
