im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
this just has baby written all over it
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
