yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
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All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
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If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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