I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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