I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
