just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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