He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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