I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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