I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
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Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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