dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
