I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
