i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
