Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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