I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
