Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
