): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
