Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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