u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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