loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
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i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
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note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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