I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You took a bar mat shot.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
