He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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